4.13.12

“I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you. You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.” 

Lurch: I’m cranky. It’s the wrong time of month. It’s the wrong food. It’s the wrong place and the wrong people and the wrong outfit and the wrong hair. This is my lurch. I do not want to be in LA with the smog and the traffic. I do not want to face these friends who have become a mirror to my own self. I don’t like anything about the mirror these days. Especially not that hair. I do not like this Lurch, I tell myself. I think I will leave.

Except that I can’t. It’s a scary day in the life of any true commitment-phobe when you realize that you have found yourself somewhere you can’t simply “leave”, a job, a place, a person. It’s like roots grow underneath your feet when you aren’t watching. And there is no leaving, even in the case of a lurch.

“You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump. And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.” 

Slump: I don’t care. I don’t care about the lurch. I don’t care about the thing that happened. Or that other thing either. I don’t care about anything. Not my food. Not my face. Not my hair. Not my clothes. Not my people or my job or my mirror or my to-do list. Nope, don’t even care. I’ll show that lurch.

Except that I won’t. Because there’s nothing enlightened about apathy. There’s nothing winning about determining not to care because you’re fed up with things. It’s not cool or rebellious or bold. It’s just lame. Not caring, really? That’s where I choose to shore up? Lame.

“But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.”

My Hakken-Kraks howl that I’m not enough. That I never will be. That my hair will never like me back. That I will never be good enough, kind enough, pretty enough, successful enough. That’s what they howl over and over and over. No matter how raw, how real, how determined, how perfect, they just keep on. And after I slump… and after I lurch… I keep on too. Because I keep thinking if I just keep on longer than they do that maybe one day they’ll give up.

“On and on you will hike and I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are. You’ll get mixed up of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.”

Birds: Christina, Maydelle, Adrian, Jenna. The strangest birds I know. But I’m so glad their mine. Because I think the best way to beat down those Hakken-Kraks is to holler right back. And everyone needs people to holler with. (You haven’t heard hollering until you’ve heard Maydelle.)

“So be sure when you step, step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a great balancing act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.” – Dr. Seuss

Just keep walking!

Ashleigh

 

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