This is crazy. Not the fact that it’s already December 31st and the year is over in a heartbeat, as wild as that seems. What really boggles my mind is that tomorrow begins Two-Thousand-Fourteen. A year that, in my mind, still seems so far off, so long from now, a year we just cannot have reached yet. Are we really moving this fast?
We often buy ourselves more time in our minds than we really have. We procrastinate, we live in the past, we latch onto ways to control our surroundings so that everything stays just so. Meanwhile life goes on. And then before we realize it, the year is 2014 and the excitement and adventure of 2013 is just another lantern shining us forward.
2013 brought a lot of love into my life (fitting, as 2013’s mirror image closely resembles Eros, god of love – a meme I saw last December). I fell in and out and in love again with people, places, routines, experiences, but the biggest surprise was that, this year, I truly began to love myself. All of me. I had no idea how brave I could be, how lovely my life experience really was. I did not realize how beautiful everything is, even the messes… especially the messes. The year brought me to a place of self love that actually made me say out loud one night, “I feel awful in this moment, but I know it will pass and I am beautiful anyway.” I watched myself and friends alike fall and scrape our knees, and I was there to pick all of us up…yet was also able to love myself enough to sometimes say out loud, “I am not okay and I need nurturing.”
2013, you brought me to new cities, you introduced me to a whole different lifestyle and set of daily expectations. And while at a distance they were (and still are) beautiful, upon touching down and pulling into the familiar driveway you made me realize that I already have everything I need right here. You reminded me that I love my life, my routines, the weather and the vibe. Even the commutes, even the freeways, even the competing commercial coffee chains and the crowded markets. Because they know my name, because I have a place. Because I serve wherever I go. I smile and I know I am home.
2013, you introduced me to a whole new set of challenges and experiences that made me turn to my friends and network in ways I have never before – and reminded me that, yeah, we are all amazing when we realize we are merely reflections of all the brilliant people we choose to communicate with and love.
I got really honest with myself about my motives this year. Why do I love what I love? What can I give? Instead of concerning myself with what I can be, I started to ask myself, “Who can I be and what can I do to support that?“
2013 was a big year for all of us. We could feel it in the air, from January through December. We all got a little more honest and a lot more authentic. So, with everything we’ve built and all this self love, where else is there to go?
In 2014, I am awakening and actualizing dreams.
I’m not chasing after them, because I already have everything I am supposed to have. I have everything I need, and my roadmaps are right at my fingertips. There is nothing to chase.
Opening, unhinging and letting live, I will pick up dreams that I tossed aside years ago, things I thought I wasn’t unique enough for or had no place inside of. The only person who decides that is me. And I’ll be enlisting like-souled teammates to join me so they can shine, too.
I am scared and I am fearless.
I don’t think I will ever fully be okay with transition and change, but that is okay – 2013 taught me that behind the dust storm and tight grip is a hug that lingers.
Even if they seem to be positive or beneficial things, what has defined you or held you back in previous years? Think about it; I don’t need an answer by January 1st nor do I ever need one. Keep mulling it over, and while you do, gently thank each for its place in your life, and ask yourself: Are these things worth it? Our real blessings are the nay-sayers, the doubt that sometimes creeps in, or the moments of fright that render us all but paralyzed. Because those are what lead us to our sankalpa, our mission and our greatness.
We need not hide or force, or overstay our time to prove a point and plea that we might matter. It takes only a flash of light to make a lasting impact. Why do we tell ourselves otherwise and let duration or prestige rule our sense of self worth? Crawl out of the dark and dust for one beautiful moment, and then let the afterglow take over.
Let’s go down that path of living on forever in all our mystery. Let’s be lasting and enigmatic. Give it all and give nothing up. Keep our truths close to the heart always, yet let them inform every action we take in the new year. Let’s use everything we’ve got. Because it not now, when?
Let’s give love to ourselves, to others, to those little nooks in our heart we’ve all but convinced ourselves are just missed opportunities and vague, veiled images in our minds. Even if these things are electrifyingly unnerving – especially if they are electrifyingly unnerving.
I am scared and I am ready.
2014, the idea of you fills up my heart, and I can’t wait to meet you.