We date at the level of our self-esteem. Your relationship is a direct reflection of your own self-love and self-worth.
A lot of TDL Seekers have written in saying that they are in a relationship (dating, marriage, etc.) with someone who they really are into, but in which they are not getting their needs met. They keep asking me how they have to change to keep the relationship going.
Let me be clear – the only way we should have to change is to be more authentically ourselves. This means compromise, of course, but this also means not abandoning ourselves to please another.
The common question seems to be: “How can I change myself so this will work?”
The response is: “Don’t change yourself – BE YOURSELF.”
Many Seekers are terrified of being alone and of the unknown. And I understand – it can be hella uncomfortable in there. But if your needs aren’t being met in a relationship, it’s not the other person’s fault. The responsibility is on you to communicate your needs and to choose someone who honors you, cherishes you and loves you.
If you don’t love, honor and cherish yourself, you will settle and your needs won’t get met.
To be a Seeker, we must get comfortable with the unknown and with letting go of toxic relationships. We must step into the Faith that we can create the life we truly desire, not as we change to please others, but as we step more into our own authentic selves. This means communicating our needs, having higher standards around the people we are dating and stepping into our own self-love and self-care.
Of course, in any relationship we have to compromise and find a middle ground. This is part of being in relationship. But this blog is aimed at the thousands of folks who have written in asking how they can change to please other people. Please yourself first and then you will attract someone who is pleased with you. This means embracing the unknown and being okay with letting go of something or someone that isn’t meeting your needs.
Ask yourself this question: “If I REALLY loved myself, what would I do?”
Let me know: WhatImGoingThru@
Lots of love and self-love,