A little planning between bottles and diaper changes can help couples maintain a loving, healthy relationship after baby arrives. We love these practical tips from holistic life coach Maytal Phillips of The Consciousness Edit to help keep couples in a strong, sane relationship after baby…
You know the look. You’re exhausted and yet elated and almost high, in awe of what your body has accomplished and also covered in vomit. The process of having a baby is one of the most incredible experiences for a family. And it’s just that — a process.
It also creates a massive shift in your relationships and most people struggle with the “what the f just happened to me/us/our life?” conundrum postpartum. So how do you still keep everything going in your relationship after baby? I’m here to show you that it’s possible, and that it will look nothing like what it did before.
A big part of how we show up in life is what we’re committed to. It shapes our actions and becomes what we are happy to wake up in the morning for. When there’s a future you’re excited to live into, it makes that time spent with baby and your partner even more joyful.
Create A vision together. Consider what does your future look like now as a family. Create clarity before the baby comes about what you want your life (your relationship, your job, your friendships) to look like. If the baby is already here, make time to get complete with everything that’s happened so far. What that looks like is asking yourself and your partner: What works? What doesn’t? Where do you go from here in terms of your commitment to each other?
It’s different for every couple and situation so there are no right or wrong ways to create this. Be honest with yourself and each other so there’s a strong foundation to move forward with.
schedule time to talk. Communicate so you feel heard in a way that’s free and clear. Scheduling even 20 minutes a day as a couple to sit and be together without any devices or screens can clear up miscommunications, withheld communications, and ultimately resentments that can grow from that disconnect. A great mentor once told me that not managing expectations is a resentment in the works. Whatever that time looks like for you, schedule it and make it happen.
Carve out time spent alone. This is where many couples I know fall apart. They forget that original commitment in all the chaos and exhaustion that ensues post-bubba, which is normal. Be gracious with each other and also make that time to be alone with your partner. One important thing to remember is that it really takes a village. Ask a friend, family member, babysitter, etc. for help so you can have that date night.
Heraclitus, the Greek philosopher, said “change is the only constant in life.” Remind yourself that whatever is happening in your relationship is temporary and get flat on what’s important and how you’d like to create (or recreate) your relationship after baby. There may be many times in life when you’ll need to stop, re-evaluate, and recommit to yourself, your career, and your relationships. Be gracious and be proud of that little miracle that now calls you mama.