We die for this keen dating advice from the one and only Betches. From avoiding gym bros and dad bods, to handling the designer sports bras and “basic” jokes, these betches have us reeling with their list of do’s-and-don’ts just for Chalkboard readers. Check out their Instagram feed, then follow along with Mary-Kate Fotch as she walk us through the exotic world of snapbacks, steam rooms, and spinning selfies.
News Flash: Pressed Juicery, Betches and Soulcycle are teaming up for a Valentine’s Day ride on February 14th! Get all the details you need to join us below…
It’s hard out here for a healthy betch. Society demands that we eat well, live a balanced lifestyle and stay in shape, and then disparages us for taking the measures to do so. It seems like you can’t try out a juice cleanse or walk into a spin class without some DadBod in a snapback making a “basic” joke, quickly followed by a burp and a high-five. PSA: Basic jokes aren’t funny anymore; work up some new material to belittle women for doing things they enjoy.
The reality is this: We’ve been put in a “you can’t have your cake and eat it too” situation, with the added insult of not actually being allowed to have any cake it all. It’s a tragesty.
Well, we here at Betches, along with our friends at The Chalkboard, say screw it. It’s our party and we can be healthy if we want to. We can also have cake in moderation if we want to, because this is America and may I remind you that it does not say RSVP (or no cake) on the Statue of Liberty. Yes, in this case we are incorporating 2-3 nights of binge drinking into our healthy lifestyle. We eat kale, sue us.
Healthy Betches need as much help in the dating department as the rest of us, and who are we to deprive them of our sage wisdom? Here’s our best advice for meeting guys who might be on the same track as you.
While the concept may seem foreign and unlikely, it is actually possible to meet eligible men at the gym. Of all the places we frequent on a regular basis, it has all the components of a potential set up: good lighting, a general lack of coworkers and the best odds of meeting someone and actually remembering it the next day.
That being said, there are definitely some gym-bodies that are worth avoiding. In order to spare yourself from 30 minutes of small talk about protein supplements over dinner, here are our guidelines for meeting guys at the gym.
DO place yourself at a vantage point. Be it a class, treadmill or elliptical, make sure you have a solid view of the room. This gives you a chance to scope out any potential interests and also guarantees that no one catches you creeping and/or falling off your machine.
DON’T noticeably crane your head around to get a good look at the merchandise. This makes literally everyone uncomfortable and will attract the attention of absolutely the last people you want to associate with, i.e., the super ripped old guy in neon muscle tanks.
DO try and look somewhat put together. I am not asking you to look polished post-workout, because no actual human does. If I exercise for more than three minutes my skin takes on this particularly unfortunate mottled pink shade so, believe me, I feel your pain. But a solid outfit goes a long way towards tricking others into thinking you have your shit together.
DON’T take public gym selfies. I don’t care how good you look. I don’t care if you’re an off-duty Victoria’s Secret Model who decided to stroll into my 24 Hour Fitness and post up in front of a mirror. If you want to document your workout like a Kardashian, go private. Otherwise, save the rest of us the trouble of trying to pretend we’re not staring as you flex your ass into a mirror for Snapchat.
DO make eye contact. This isn’t a romantic comedy. No good looking ad executive with a trust issues and heart of gold is going to stroll up to you and strike up a winning conversation without some kind of go ahead. Subtle, flirty eye contact is encouraged. Prolonged staring at some guy who is very focused on his work out is not. Speaking of…
DON’T make eye contact with guys who are lifting. Even the softest of souls can transform into a testosterone rage beast while he watches himself lift unnecessary amounts of weight in a mirror. I’m pretty sure it’s hormonal. If you have the misfortune of catching his eye during peak lift, I can’t promise that you won’t be frightened and/or traumatized by what you see.
DO try out different activities. You never know where you could meet someone new. Spin class? He’ll probably have a nice ass. Yoga? He’ll probably have a nice ass and a modicum of patience. Zumba? He’s probably gay, but also a fantastic time. Don’t rule anything out. (Except Crossfit. You don’t need that in your life.)
DON’T try out the steam room naked. They are most likely co-ed. Please take my word for this.
whatever you do, don’t speak with anyone wearing these: At all costs. No exceptions.
Do ride with us this v-day! For an even better chance to meet some hot guys who actually take care of themselves, come to our Soul Cycle Valentine’s Day event. Nothing says “I’m totally dateable” like surviving 45 minutes of rigorous biking in the dark. Join Betches, Soulcycle and Pressed Juicery for a Valentine’s Day ride in NYC or LA!
Is this a joke?? I’d expect content like this out of Seventeen magazine, MAYBE. Not sure it’d even make it in there though. The tone is obnoxious and judgmental and half of the advice is simply ridiculous.
You know a lot about dating