How To Love Yourself
7.25.12

There is a limiting voice and dialogue inside your head.

It’s a negative voice saying things like “I’ll never look good in a swimsuit”, “She’s out of your league”, or “I’ll never be able to get a better job”. This voice in your head is a limiting belief that prohibits your behavior, action, and ultimately your growth as a person. The first step to loving you is to take this internal dialogue and change the script. 

How are you supposed to do that? Start by making all negative statements in to future tense. Instead of “I’ll never be able to bench press 300 lbs” now transform it in to “right now I can’t bench press 300 lbs”. This implies that while now you can’t do something, at some point in the future you will be able to complete that task. If you’ve ever studied neuro-linguistic programming or Tony Robbins then you know that the language and the words you use can affect your happiness. Try to not use words that are absolutes or extremes like “never”, “can’t”, or “hate”. They can be toxic to your well-being and internal dialogue. Also, instead of using the passive voice and saying things like “I hope today is going to be a good day”, make it “today is going to be a good day”. That way you’re 100% more likely to send the trajectory of your day in that direction just by changing a couple words. Your body follows what your mind tells it to do.

A lot of the things we beat ourselves up about are things about that can be changed. Take some time right now to grab a pen and paper and write down a list of things you don’t like about yourself (go ahead, I’ll wait). Now, put a check mark next to the things you can change. It doesn’t matter how long it’s going to take to change, just put a check mark next them. For some of you it may be your want to be in better shape, the fact that you are too shy around the opposite sex, or your fear of public speaking. Are you mad you can’t do those things? Are you disappointed in yourself? Tell me, what’s the point in that? How is that constructive? It isn’t, so the question is…What are you going to do about it? You have two options: Accept it or change it. There is no in between. These aren’t fixed attributes like height, baldness, or eye color, you can change them. If those things you marked with check marks constantly haunt your internal dialogue then it’s something you should address immediately. If you truly want to love yourself then you have to either accept your perceived flaws or change the things you can.

My point? Just love yourself. Because until you do that, no one else is going to love you. How do you go along that path? Accept yourself for who you are and change the things about yourself that you don’t like, no mater how difficult the process. Change yourself or accept it are the only two viable options. In the meantime stop beating yourself up about the little things, you’re on the same team. We are our own best friend because we are alone with each other constantly so do your best to love yourself because you will be never truly happy until you do.

[Keep up with Chris Backley on Twitter and Facebook]

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  1. [...] (In order to truly be happy you must love yourself. But how?)(As seen on The Chalkboard) [...]


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