Good sex has everything to do with deep, mindful, intentional connection… to ourselves. Women’s health expert, Nicole Granato, has helped many a client claim their agency with intimacy – a common problem many of us experience, but don’t open up about often enough. Nicole is sharing her tried-and-true advice – the secret to great sex – below. Learn how to be confident in and out of the bedroom with these tips…
We all have some sort of relationship with intimacy. We, as women, are becoming more comfortable talking about the intimacy we experience with ourselves and our partners – not just with each other but with our partners as well. For women, there has been this stigma surrounding sex – we had to be a certain way, play a role and even pretend as though we were experiencing pleasure when maybe we weren’t. There is nothing healthier and sexier than wanting to satisfy your partner, but the only way to truly do that is to be satisfied yourself. And that means being truthful and honest with your body and knowing what feels right and what feels wrong.
As women we are connected to our bodies in ways that only we can truly understand; there something very powerful about knowing your body, loving it and feeling comfortable in your sexuality. These are the elements that pique our pleasure in so many different aspects of our relationships – from hugging and kissing to sexually connecting and even just sitting across from your lover.
A lot of women I’ve worked with tell me they have trouble climaxing with their partner – and some even have issues climaxing on their own. While I have a few different theories about this, I’ll simplify it: Climaxing and connecting truly to another person requires surrender – surrendering your body, mind and spirit to live completely in the moment and embrace the other person. This can only be done with someone who wants to meet you there!
We sometimes settle for relationships with partners who don’t have this understanding or desire to connect on a much deeper level, because we think we can change them. The truth is, you rarely can. Both people need to really want the same thing. Climaxing is more than a technical skill for women but rather a combination of surrender, emotional safety and the touch of a partner. Sure, you can experience pleasure without these things, but it may not be the same.
Being sexy is about more than the clothes you wear, what you look like or how perfect your body is or isn’t. It’s about the confidence you hold, knowing what you want and not being afraid to ask for it.
This all starts with self care, which includes everything from thinking about your sexual organs and masturbating to nurturing your body and supporting your body through food, supplementation and proper exercise. When you do this, you will begin to feel sexy, which unleashes a whole new person; you will walk with confidence, power and the freedom to be unapologetically who you, are, no matter what anyone says. When we do this, we begin to see our libido increase, our orgasms become longer and stronger and we become more connected to our bodies!
ASK YOURSELF: What is one thing you can do to change the way you think about your body or think about your sex life? One thing you can do to create the connection you want with a person? What are the feelings you want to feel, the pleasure you wish to seek? Take some time and write it down and don’t be afraid to ask for it. Practice a little bit at a time and watch how your entire body begins to change.